Why does this mess happen with me always? Is it because I love so deeply? But I thought if I can love it is a virtue not a vice. The world doesn’t seem to think in the same way as I do. And there lies the problem. But at the end of everything one thing is common. I get hurt. Big time. I cry,shout,tear,scream. But silently. So that the people around me cant understand anything. They have their own set of problems. Why bother them? I’ve always identified myself as a problem solver not a problem creator. But the world sometimes forgets that this problem solver can also get hurt. Then this problem solver finds no other problem solver around. Pain pain & more pain. But then I know how to recover. And I do end up recovering somehow. But not before it has left a deep cut in my heart. I hope my heart is big & strong enough to withstand all these cuts. Now a days I even fear making friends. Coz I might just end up losing that person again. To be specific I fear loving people now. If this goes on someday the devil might take over my soul. Then will it be good for the world???????

where is the love?

Love fears me. It thinks I’m hatred & I’m gonna eat it up. So it never comes to me easily. And whenever it comes,it leaves even faster keeping me alone. Stranded. Alone & crying. There seems to be too much hubris in its attitude. As if I don’t deserve it at all. Fcuk man, fcuk. Yeah I know I’m not the best person on earth but not so bad that I don’t deserve it at all. People worse than me in many respects get a lot of it. Foook. And in the end it is me who is left cursing love. I ask my conscience ‘Am I a good guy?’ The answer is always a big YES. And to be frank I never pressurize my conscience to give out an affirmatory answer. I am true to my conscience. Very very true coz I don’t believe in cheating myself. Still the guy called love eludes me. Plays hide n seek with me. According to the laws of probability I should be able to catch it by now. But I keep missing it. Maths fails in these respects. I fail. I can only hope that love wins. Else this won’t be a better world to live on. I always pray that the love that never enters my life at least enters the life of all those I love. I can only hope that those people keep on smiling for the rest of their lives & remain happy. If they are happy even the absence of love in my life cant make me sad!!!!!